At 37 years of age, it's hard to come to the realization that you are not really needed, or weren't really needed.

Your so-called siblings...
You shared the same life, same senarios, same holidays, same everythings growing with your brother. Once you were both of age and making decisions on your own you were told how little you ment to him. Do you hold that against him now, of course not but there is a constant reminder of that wedged into your memory like a splinter that has burrowed to deep to be taken out. So you learn to live with it and work around it. Your sisters, whom you have never lived with only know you as their brother in name only. They know nothing about you as a person, have shared nothing of your life and truly only know your second hand via our father.

Your father, he knows you like he knows himself. He regrets the time lost from our childhood. His regret is closest to that of need. But even with that he misses all of his children and the fact that he couldn't participate more in our lives.

Where the hell am I going with this... I don't know. The meloncolly of living alone starts to eat away at your psyche. You question your own existence... blah blah blah. I guess that when your brothers and sisters choose to have nothing to do with you it makes you wonder... is it you? Are you the cause or is it them? Did they make the choice? Ugh! I could probably go on and on if I weren't starting to tire of my own thoughts.

That's all for now....

Well, the iPhone has been set free. Where's mine?!? I already know that I'm going to buy one but damn I have to wait... at least until the weekend of July 6th (on payday).

Damn, I can hardly wait!