A bad start to a new year...

My niece and an aunt died this week. My father has to bear the weight of this on his shoulders while trying to take care of his wife who is undergoing chemotherapy. 

I am his first son. I'm also the child most like him so I tend to feel how he would feel under the circumstances. Today all I could feel was tired and as the day when on I remained tired and agitated, then tired and angry! On the train ride home I looked out at the sky. I could see that the clouds were lower and it felt like someone covered me with a wet blanket and would not let me loose. 

The lady at the grocery store asked the question she asks everyone "how was your day?". I replied "I survived the week". To which we had a brief conversation about the ups and downs of life. She tried to lighten my mood by saying something to the effect that I make others happy or it's a pleasure to see me or something like that - I couldn't hear her as she spoke very softly. I told her thank you and smiled. But once I got home I was ready to cause something or someone great pains. 

I don't know what's going on... death seems to be hovering around my family and it's scary, depressing, and a bad way to start a new year.