Saturday, December 12 2009

Today the sky is overcastwth threats of freezing rain and snow. I sit here in my shabby, cluttered apartment, alone. The women in my life have chosen other activities rather than spend any kind of time with me. I've said it before, I'm a pig. I'm unkempt. My crappy apartment looks like a pack-rat has been saving the world crap here. That aside I am an attentive lover and make every attempt to be a good person & friend. Yet here I sit... alone again.

Is this payback for some deed of the past? Is this the beginning of a much lonelier middle age for this man? Is this the start of Old Man Baldwin - The Hermit? Fuck I hope not! But it is disheartening that women who at the very least, claim to like you, would leave you in such loneliness.

I can't go back to the life I once lead, staying up & drinking until I ran out of money or the bars closed. I still ended up alone 90% of the time. I just can't do it...

My folks worry about me, maybe they should... I worry about what's next in my life. Am I destined to stay here in this hovel of an apartment or maybe acquire the Ursa Major (a boat) and live on it... I don't know what is next. I can only keep living the best I can.