the right one and the wrong time

i'm a selfish man. i live by my own standards. do what i want when i want. i answer to no one but my work ethic.

she is in a situation. obviously a bad situation. she has children.

we have a connection. it doesn't make sense that we do but we have touched each other. we want to be with one another but the timing is not right. i would hate for anything bad to happen to her because of me. I would push her away if that's what it would take to keep her out of harm.

where was she before she had children? where was this connection before she got into her situation?

she worries about my feelings. i have let her in but the wall is still up. for as much as I'd want to let her know all of me - good bad perverted guarded scared defensive protective industrious,  I will protect myself. She said not to love her, I've found that the situation is often in reverse. I am not the man for women to love. I'm too selfish. At times I'm unwilling to bend and that doesn't make for a good relation of any sort. And in the end I may not want to accept the baggage that she brings to the table. 

I want her, hell, I believe that I even need her. but I don't know what the future holds for the two of us.