the right one and the wrong time

i'm a selfish man. i live by my own standards. do what i want when i want. i answer to no one but my work ethic.

she is in a situation. obviously a bad situation. she has children.

we have a connection. it doesn't make sense that we do but we have touched each other. we want to be with one another but the timing is not right. i would hate for anything bad to happen to her because of me. I would push her away if that's what it would take to keep her out of harm.

where was she before she had children? where was this connection before she got into her situation?

she worries about my feelings. i have let her in but the wall is still up. for as much as I'd want to let her know all of me - good bad perverted guarded scared defensive protective industrious,  I will protect myself. She said not to love her, I've found that the situation is often in reverse. I am not the man for women to love. I'm too selfish. At times I'm unwilling to bend and that doesn't make for a good relation of any sort. And in the end I may not want to accept the baggage that she brings to the table. 

I want her, hell, I believe that I even need her. but I don't know what the future holds for the two of us. 

will i ever be happy?

Tonight I met a woman who made me release my inner demons and allow her to understand me. She went by "E" "Beth" "Elizabeth". 

Once again, the right woman, the wrong time. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. She said that I am surrounded by protection. Surrounded by protecting women. I understand that to a point. I'm a man. I need women. I need the connection of a woman. Any woman guardians need to let me be a man without hindering their protection. 

Maybe when the right woman comes around they'll let their guard down. But as for now, it's giving me the stink of desparation!

Ms "E", don't flee my life. You have my contact information. USE IT!

WTF WOMEN?!?!? Late again?!?!

I'm not perfect. I know I can be distant, selfish, vague about what's on my mind or how my day went. From time to time I know I can be a bit ignorant of the details, letting the obvious fly right by me. I've been forget full or simply oblivious to regular events like birthdays. 

And believe it or not I can forgive nearly all of those human flaws in others. But what I find very difficult to forgive is someone who is continuously and excessively late. When you're late you waste my timem fuck up plans that may have been put in place, and show an obvious degree of disrespect towards my person. It's an affront to my sensiblilities that you'd think so little of me and my time. 

Ladies, you'd expect us as men to arrive on time, to do what we said we'd do. If and when we don't you give us hell for it! You withhold sex, you chastise us as though we were little boys, you never let go of the instance and will continue to use it as an example until we fuck up again. Were men to do that you'd think we were the assholes - then you'd hold that against us as well. 

If you want respect, you've got to earn it. Treat us (men) the way you'd want to be treated and any man that gives a damn about you treat you the same way, maybe even better than that. But keep treating us like chumps then you'll get treated like a whore. As though you were only good for one thing. Nobody wants that. So keep that in mind next time you want to play games, show up late on purpose or feel the need to torment you man. He may take the abuse but don't be surprised when he moves on without you or start up with a chick on the side.

ATT has regrets? Then stop screwing your customers!

Maybe ATT shouldn't have offered unlimited data for the iPhone but
that's what it took to get the iPhone on their network. ATT has made and
continues to make a lot of money from it's years of iPhone exclusivity.
Now that the iPhone is no longer exclusive they have "regrets" even
though the average iPhone bill is $98 per month from the millions of
iPhone users.<br>
<br>I have no problem with companies making a profit but enough is enough. The consumer is being nickle and dimed to death and the companies believe that's ok as long as "the shareholders" are happy.&nbsp;<br>


The cell networks/companies don't control the handset manufacturers
anymore and their networks are being reduced to dumb pipes and they
don't like it. Well too bad. The technology has changed and they need to keep up. It wasn't that long ago that "Bell/ATT" was split up for being a monopoly. They forget or don't &nbsp;believe that it could happen again. To paraphrase an old saying: those that don't know their history are doomed to repeat it. And far too many of the big "global national" companies are repeating the monoplolistic practices of the past. They are getting away with it at the moment but situations can change and if they don't change with it they'll simply be a historic footnote of what not to do.&nbsp;<br>

Theory: a reason for the disapearing bees

<span class="st">Colony collapse disorder (CCD) is a phenomenon in which worker <em>bees</em> from a beehive or European honey <em>bee</em> colony abruptly <em>disappear</em>.</span><br class="khtml-block-placeholder">
<span class="st"><br></span>
<span class="st">My quick theory is geneticly altered crops. The modified crops have modified pollen, "modern bees" take that back to the hive. The hive is not capable of utilizing/<span class="st"><em>metabolizing</em></span>&nbsp;the modified substance. The bees die.</span>
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<span class="st">Stop the genetic altering of the human food supply.</span>