Hey Mom...

Today is a special day, both good and sad.
Sad, as it has been one year since my stepmother passed away. She was beautiful and strong and I miss her every day. As I've told my father, she made us better men. I know this, he knows this, there is no doubt of that fact. We loved her and she loved us without question, without conditions. Though she lives in our hearts and memories, her passing left a hole in our life. She is missed dearly.

The good part of this day is that after many many years, I have made the final payment to my student loans. Sallie Mae can kiss my ass! Bye bye bitch! Upon looking at my bank statements, I've paid back  2 1/2 times the amount of the original loan. That is outrageous! No student should ever have to be burdened with such a debt in order to learn, and create a better life for themselves.

I could go on and on about this but I have work to do. The money I make now is mostly mine, not the student loan. I earn it, I keep it (or spend it on the good things in life).

Mom, I hope I made you proud.

peace.

The Walking Dead is some BS...

The AMC hit, "The Walking Dead", has been on air for 4 seasons. I've heard good and bad reviews but have never watched it until this weekend (thanks Netflix).  But after watching the first season, I call bullshit on this series.

First, when the primary character leaves the hospital, he sees all of the dead people who were shot in the head. He sees all of the military vehicles (probably half gassed up). He continues on his way home wearing only the hospital gown, underwear and footwear he had from the hospital - BULLSHIT. Even if you were half out of your mind, you'd find some clothes, shoes and steal a vehicle to get where you're trying to go.

Second, the show states that after the conversion to zombie/walker, what reanimates is going on instinct, not knowledge. So how is it that the "walkers" know to climb ladders, look under cars, search an RV, especially when they can't see anything - they have no eyesight as a result of 1) dying and 2) the majority of their brain is no longer functional, including the frontal lobe.

Third, I understand the feeding frenzy, but not the hunter seeker zombie that can chase & follow you and climb over fences to get you.

It's an interesting drama of survival but it's some bullshit! Don't break the rules of being a zombie. Make up your mind for the show, do you want fast zombies or traditional slow zombies, pick a lane and stay on it. If it's got enough of a mind-set to chase you and see you (even though it can't see) then it's not a zombie in the traditional sense.

Anyway... I'll give it a shot for the second season because some stuff is laugh out loud funny but it's still some bullshit.

PEace.

A little less these days...

Over the past 2 years, I've lost 40lbs. People tell me I'm looking better, thinner. My clothes are more loose, I feel better overall.

I'm on the verge of fulfilling the financial responsibility of paying off my student loans.

On top of that, women that I haven't heard from in months are starting to communicate with me again (it is cuffing season afterall). No one wants to be single in the winter.

You'd think that I'd be content, possibly even happy but that is not the case. I'm overworked, not simply alone but lonely, fear uncertainty and doubt are a constants in my thoughts. I worry about my father, where my life is heading, and even if I have much more time to live. These are the thoughts of a man who has worked too much with nothing to show for it. No wife. No children. No home of his own. No car. Nothing of any worth or value. An adult life spent in trying to keep from being a statistic. And for what?

What good is it to be an upstanding man, when no one knows you're there.
What good is it to be a model citizen, when the general public looks at you as menace?
What good is it to behave and follow the rules of society, when your life can be snuffed out because of the color of your skin?

I don't know where my life is going. My primary goal is within reach, but then what?

It is times like now when I realize I've spent way too much time in my head, and not enough time with people.

To who ever stumbles upon this blog, take this piece of advice: find someone to share your life with. Give your love freely. If that love fades, find another. Life and love are to be shared, it may not be forever but it is a splendid thing with the right person(s).

Be well. Love somebody, be loved by somebody.